I feel like I need to apologize for the following post, but I'm going to post it anyway...
I'm sure that the topic is coming up in classes, but I wouldn't be surprised if before long the powers that be realize there is enough to talk about for an entire course. I can see the syllabus now, Blogology 1010; Week 1: Types of Blogs, Week 2: Types of Bloggers, Week 3: Why People Blog, Week 4: Commenting on Blogs, etc. etc.
I'm sure there is even statistical information to be gleaned about when people blog and when people comment. These topics are the reason I've been having this class in my mind. Some of you may have noticed that I didn't blog for quite a while (I know its all relative) the last month or two. The truth is, I was depressed. I didn't want to dampen anyone's holiday spirit by my negativity. The only things I thought of to blog about were how much I missed my family, how I didn't have any friends, how hard it is to be a good mom (motherhood isn't hard, its when you throw in that "good" qualifier that things get difficult)... I was a complete downer and out of respect for all of you I chose not to blog much. However, I'm sure that my absence could just as easily have been due to holiday busyness or just being so overwhelmingly awesome that I just wanted to spend every waking second enjoying my sweet children~ which is clearly why some of you have been less present the past while, I'm sure.
So, I say it was out of respect for all of you and while that is the truth, there is more to the story. I also didn't think anyone (besides a select few, maybe) would really care~ remember one of those topics was that I didn't have any friends. Of course I know that's not entirely true. I do have some friends. Its just the blogging friends are different. Think about the reason you blog. I know some of you blog to record random tidbits in your life that are interesting or funny, some of you blog about food, books, crafts, or whatever it is that floats your boat. The main reason I blog to keep in touch with my family and, yes, friends.
Keep in touch is an interesting descriptor though, isn't it? Doesn't it imply some sort interaction between two people, rather than just one person spewing out information. It does to me. This leads to the interesting topic of Week 4: Commenting on Blogs.
I think most of us who blog for the purpose of keeping in touch really love to get comments. In place of the "# comments" on the bottom of each post on a dear friend's blog it says, "# People Like Me Enough to Comment." So I'm know I can't be the only one who feels its disheartening to check my blog and see no new comments. Considering this got me thinking, if we all like comments so much why don't we comment more? Of course, in my times of despair I consider the reasons I don't get comments with a skewed perspective. Thinking things like Wow. People really don't care what I have to say, do they? Or People always leave glorious comments on her blog, they must not love me as much... Or Why don't people miss me? I know, I know, I can get pretty whiney in this pretty little head of mine.
Many of you might consider me a regular commenter. I try to be, for the most part. But there are times when I don't leave comments. The reasons vary depending on the blog, person, or day. Sometimes, like right after the holiday, I have so many blog posts in my reader that I just want to get through them all and don't take the time to comment. Sometimes I feel too insecure to leave a comment. For example, Ethan's cousin is a really funny, charming beautiful girl whose blog posts almost always make me laugh out loud, but I rarely leave a comment on her blog because I'm so not funny, what could I possibly say? (sorry Christa). Other times I fall subject to the crowd theory. You know, if someone is in need in the middle of a city nobody stops to help because they mostly all think someone else will. Well, at times I think She doesn't need a comment from me, she has loads of other friends that will surely leave a comment. (sorry Kate). And still other times I just think its awkward, like when its a post by my high school boyfriend's wife about how much she loves her husband. (sorry Lori). And sometimes I just don't know if a person values comments or expects them. Maybe it bugs some of you when I leave a comment?
Well, I've decided all those reasons are garbage! If I have time to read through your post, I certainly can take an additional 10 seconds and leave a comment too. So what that I'm not funny? My brother once reminded me that there have to be people like me to appreciate the good humor of all of you. If you made me smile, I should tell you. Awkward, smawkward. We're grown ups and quite frankly, I'm glad you're happy. And what if people aren't leaving comments for me because they don't know how much I appreciate them? Everyone likes feedback, even if it is on a book they read or a recipe they made.
I love the TV show LOST and frequent a blog about its awesomeness (Thanks Steph!). The writer of said blog has been holding contests in the hiatus to help pass the time for all us nerds who just can't wait for the final season to begin. The most recent contest was a "Things I've Noticed" about LOST, where she asked people to say something tongue in cheek about what they've noticed while watching LOST. One of the winning entries said, "I've noticed that life for the survivors (and the viewers) would be a lot less frustrating if they would just talk about things when they happen." Oh, the truths being taught on LOST! Life for all of us, not just the Losties, would be better if we would just communicate!
So, no more frustration from my end, I'm putting it out there. I love it when you leave me comments! It makes me feel like we really are friends. Like you really do like me and care. Does that make me annoying and needy? Sorry if it does. But this study into Blogology has opened my eyes to what frustrates me about blogging and what I love about blogging, and that is all of you!
27 comments:
Oh Kim, you described perfectly how I think many of us feel. I think that it is especially hard to be away from your closest friends (often family) and to have to connect through technology. It's certainly not the same as reaching out and getting a hug, or seeing somebody in person. Blogging certainly helps, but it is not a replacement.
You made me wish for days in OR again when I would see you at PAVA events, or in church. You are a wonderful person, and have touched my life and helped me to become a better person. I love how realistic you are, and how you mention the good and the bad. It certainly makes being friends with you so much easier, and I love that.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to live near each other? I would love to have a good friend nearby, it would be so nice. But, at least, we do have blogging. Even if it is insufficient. I'm glad I can keep up with you this way. I hope you have a beautiful day, and thanks for your post.
How funny that you wrote this post today. I had read Ali's blog earlier today about blog comments and thought, I really need to comment on more blogs. There are so many I read, but I only comment on 2 or 3, mostly family or close friends. I specifically thought of you this morning, because I read your blog frequently, (always looking for ideas of how to deal with three boys!)and because your family is so dang cute. I thought, oh, need to comment on Kim's blog sometimes, she always has great ideas, etc...but then I thought, oh, but we don't really know each other, she will probably think I am a weirdo if I comment. So I apologize, because I love comments too, and not just from people I know well. You have a lovely family and I promise everything you wrote about today has passed through my mind as well. P.S. I also have a B.S. in Sociology. Maybe we should someday team teach Blogoglogy 101.
Laurie Peterson Sorensen
I especially love honest blog posts such as this. I appreciate you putting your thoughts and feelings out there for us to share. I'm the exact same way. When I get comments it just lifts my day. Sometimes I'm good leaving comments and sometimes I"m not so good.
I know we only knew each other for a short time, but it's still wonderful to keep up with you and your family via blog. I hope you don't have another loooong hiatus ;)
cheer up, I care =)
I love your blogs even when you are coming out of a little dipper... I laughed about Christa. Isn't she amazing. I am also hesitant to comment on her blogs. I love her humor. She needs to be a journalist. For us "older bloggers" to read you youngun's blogs is a stroll down memory lane. You always leave me smiling or giggling or wishing I could jump through the computer and give you a hug and tell you all will be well so stay calm and carry on. Love ya Kim.. keep on blogging I check it every day!!
thanks for sharing your honest thoughts kim. and sorry i haven't commented for a while! i too have been thinking a lot about the blog thing. i don't like how much time i spend thinking about what to post and then about whether or not people are commenting. and though i love being able to see what people are up to, i do feel like i get pulled away from other things i should be doing (like paying attention to my kids.) i've thought about turning off the comments and just not commenting at all any more. or i worry i'm offending others with my opinions. i've thought about stopping the blog all together. i really don't know what to do. i enjoy reading others' blogs and getting ideas and motivation from them, yours included! but it all does take precious time and emotional energy, doesn't it? and it's such a weird social forum, like being in school again where we're all comparing ourselves to each other and coming out feeling inadequate. i just wonder if there's a way to balance it all and come out feeling good about the experience. it's nice to hear that you're having some of the same thoughts, and i hope you'll keep sharing what you think about it all. it helps me.
kim, you are talented, beautiful, and super bright and you do SO MUCH. making handmade things, reading and writing about it, singing, serving in the church, parenting and pregnant. you are an incredible woman.
How could anyone say you are not funny? I'm pretty sure that was a pre-requisite for the Ladies Who Lunch. You just need to find your inner lady. I'm apologize for not being in touch with you during your time of need. I agree with what everyone else has said about you. You truly are a magnificent mother, wife and friend with many talents to boot. Keep up the blogging (whether happy, sad, depressed, crafty or whatever). I love it!
Kim, well first of all let me say that, I thought that post was pretty darn funny! Some of us may not be the class clowns, but we have our moments, right?
I thought it was a great post, and I totally agree with what you say. I started my blog specifically so keep in touch with friends and have found that it is really the best way ever to keep in touch! I have since started to use it as a family scrapbook/journal so I think it is great to serve the purpose of both. I too love comments, who doesn't?! We all love to feel loved by our friends! I usually comment on blogs if I read the post. My only thing is that I don't always have time to read all of my "blogging friends" latest posts. I admit, that some friends who I am closest to, I always take time to read, and others I read here here and there. But if I didn't want to read someones blog, they wouldn't be on my list! I know there have been a few times I've read a post from you and not left a comment, so I'll try to be a better commenter for you! Another thing I have found to love about blogging is finding old friends who I had lost touch with!
Great post I'd say!
I'm sorry you've been so frustrated with blogology or blogs (or whatever) lately. I feel a bit guilty for not commenting on your blog more. But know that I still love you. I appreciate your blog posts and comments!
While we were in Utah my blog was the last thing on my mind, and especially other people's blogs. I know how you feel though, having the comments being your connection with people.
I think what you're describing is how many of us feel. At least now I know that I'm not the only one sometimes wondering whether or not people really do like me. So if there's two of us, there must be other bloggers out there feeling the same way.
One of the things that bothers me about blogs (as much as I love them!) is that it's so easy to compare other people's lives with our own, and we always seem to be the ones coming up with the short end of the stick. "Why does she get so many comments and I hardly get any?" "Wow, they really went on a cruise - again?!?" "How on earth does she have time to do all of that, AND keep her house clean?"
I think the thing to remember is that a blog is just a tiny snippet of someone's life, and it usually encompasses the good things, so it's so easy to forget that other people have trials and problems of their own. And I think that comments kind of fall into that category, too. A little while after starting my blog, I was kind of bummed, because my friend had a gazillion comments, and I had, like, two, and one was from my mom, who commented anonymously. I moped about it for a bit, but when I went to church I had so many people (some I didn't even know) come up to me and tell me how they loved the such-and-such I had done and posted on my blog and it was just adorable. So people really were reading my blog, and I didn't know.
Anyway. Good post. We all feel that way. You're right that we should try a little harder to support each other and give each other feedback, because it really is fun to receive comments on what you post.
I love getting comments too and seeing a 0 in the comments section is so disheartening. So, here is a comment saying I miss you and Oregon too with all our friends.
ah the blogging conundrum. i think everyone goes through ebbs and flows of leaving comments and/or having an agenda with posting. like kate, i sometimes have to find a balance. i'm sorry you've had a rough few months. i think you're fabulous and have enjoyed reading about your life.
as for the awkward factor (haha. i totally laughed out loud) i completely understand. sometimes van will see me reading your blog and he says "does that seem strange to you at all that you're reading my ex-girlfriends blog?" to which I kindly remind him that I am YOUR friend too, pre-marriage status... and I am STILL your friend, post-marriage status. :)
but i won't hold it against you if you don't leave a comment when I'm overly drooly and googley-eyed at him on my blog. haha.
love ya kim.
Wow. What a response. Thanks everyone for taking the time (I'd guess more than 10 seconds for most of you...) to leave a comment with your thoughts on the subject. Thanks for all your kind words and bringing a smile to my face and helping me feel your love. :)
Kate, I love the reference to the social forum being almost like high school. Like Carrie, I do find myself comparing too often and it doesn't do anyone any good. I had honestly never thought about turning off comments... though I've told Ethan a few times maybe I should just stop blogging altogether.
I, too, find myself spending too much time and emotional energy on my blog or others' blogs (as if I need to admit this after you've read my post...) but I feel like its my only link to outside the walls of my house sometimes. I guess I should get out more. :)
Thanks Kim and Josie, for thinking I'm funny. :) I can't say I agree but you made me laugh when I read your comments.
Jessica, I'm glad we're able to keep in touch through the blog too. Who cares that we only knew one another for 3 months, you're awesome!
Laurie, I've had those same thoughts, "I don't want her to think I'm a weirdo..." thanks for commenting. I was completely surprised you still check our blog.
Allison, I will always miss Oregon I think. Thanks for being our friend!
And Lori, talk about laugh out loud, yep, I totally did when reading your comment. Ethan laughed out loud when he read the awkward statement too. I'm glad that we're still friends, you're awesome!
I just need to find balance (in so many areas of my life). That is the lesson learned from all these glorious comments you've left me! Thanks! Now onto figuring out HOW to achieve that balance...
um...can I just say amen and then cut and paste your blog onto mine(while changing a few names) and call it good? You wrote this perfectly...and I TOTALLY LOVE getting comments, yet rarely leaving them myself-for your exact reasons! I will ty to do better!
Kim you are the best at everything you put your heart and soul into. The best mom. The best wife. The best daughter. The best friend. There is nothing you can't do well. I love love love your blog. It is the high light of my day when I check your blog and see that you have posted something new for me to read and see. I too feel inadequate when it comes to responding. But know that my responses come from the heart.
Hugs & Kisses love Mom
I wanted to replace my comment with another one. When I first set up my blog, I signed up for sitemeter, I wanted to get an idea of who was accessing our information. After I went private, I didn't think about it much anymore, since I knew who had access to the info. Well this discussion got me interested. I just went to my sitemeter stats and since my last post, there have been 136 visits to our blog. How many comments? 1 (from you- thanks Kim!). I guess we all need to improve on leaving feedback!
I always read your blog (and a lot of other people's) but very rarely comment. I'm taking the time to comment to let you know I love reading your blog and think you're great. Sometimes the stuff on your blog is stuff we've already talked about in person but I still like the way you write it. :) Love ya!
Kim Kim Kim... :)
We all have those insecurities in our heads, it's not just you.
If I really think about it, the times when I don't comment, it's usually because I don't think I have anything valuable to say. Once in a while it's because I'm too lazy, or only have a minute, like you said. It's pretty much never that I don't care.
Just want you to know that you are appreciated! And yes, I do miss you, and I love seeing how your cute family is doing, so keep blogging!
I have noticed though, that checking blogs and facebook and emails isn't really all that fulfilling. Not like actually conversing and interacting with someone. I think that's the bad thing about this technological/informational age. We "network" online, but we don't REALLY interact or communicate very well with each other, and that is detrimental to our society, I think. I know I always feel better after a phone call or visit than I do after checking my computer.
Hope you have a good week! Looks like this post spawned lots of responses!
Just so you know, I've tried to comment more today while I've checked people's blogs, and it's actually made ME happier, like I'm actually interacting with people instead of just spying on them.
It is after 1 a.m. and I am laughing my head off and agreeing with you and thinking you are SUCH A FUN LITTLE GAL FULL OF FUN THINGS TO SAY AND I am not going to read anybody else's comments until I post mine.
May I WHINE WITH YOU? I posted a...well, Scott posted a spectacular post about his ear.(at my request, because I am WAY TOO BUSY) Who commented? Me. and somebody else. Where are ALL MY FRIENDS? Waaahhhh!. I was so lonesome. I kept waiting and checking. Nothing. Nobody added anything days or weeks later. What is the point if nobody cares?
Okay. It wasn't REALLY that bad, but I kind of was a little bit disappointed that we couldn't get a response.
There. I agree with your sentiments about being clever. I am not. You are. And you need me to laugh at your cleverness. So I will continue with my comments at your cleverness and beautiful children and motherhood and wait for somebody to comment on my blog.
:) that's all.
Oh, yeah, I LOVE YOU! JTMIL
Actually Jane, Ali and Erin are the ones that commented... not you. :) But I'm going to add mine right now!
So I am slow to reading blogs these days but I have to say that I really enjoyed what you wrote. Thanks for saying the things that many of us feel and are not brave enough to say.
I spend a lot of time in Abi not feeling like I have many friends--surrounded by people but still alone. I guess that means we need to find a way to hang out.
You've always been so nice about leaving comments on my blog Kim. :) My commenting habits kind of come and go in waves... I try to leave comments because I know how much I enjoy getting them, but sometimes I'm just lazy or don't think I have anything worthwhile to say. But this has motivated me to do better again, well except that I'm giving birth in 6 days...
Kim, AMEN. I love you. AMEN.
This post was great for so many reasons.
1. I commented on the post above before reading this one so I definitely chose to do it on my own.
2. You put into words how so many people feel...clearly....look at all your comments!
3. You are wonderful! I don't even feel like that statement needs backup. It's just fact.
4. Your little shout out made me feel so good on a day I really needed it. And for that I thank you!
5. The funny thing about this post is that I always love specifically when you comment on my blog because you always have the nicest things to say. Seriously.
Hi! I don't know you and probably wont stop by again but I followed your link from Heather's after she posted about what you wrote. Very true, and very intersting.
Thank you for getting me thinking. I look at my sitemeter and see how many people visit a day and then see that maybe 1/4 of those visitors leave comments and it confuses me.
But I also realize I need to be better about commenting, even when I just "stop by"
Thanks!
im a late comer to this post. haha. I have a hundred things I could say here. but ill keep it short & sweet. I for one have been there. when you move a lot for the husband you kind-a fee;l swept up & like a tag a long. its for them...or at least thats how it feels for me sometimes. I find myself rather "friendless" in KY right now. a dramatic passing of events lead to a sad parting of ways due to (& i will put it kindly...) a liar looking for a way into what she deemed "the cool crowd" amongst med wives. sound middle school??? it is! I appreciate your honesty. It makes me feel normal for having the down times too. Your posts are always a comfort to me. YOu are real & I love that. YOu are a friend & I am waiting for the day I just show up on your door step & you are like...who are you??? haha:)
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